the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
