dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
