He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize