So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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