I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
