i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
