the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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