she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
