i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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