your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize