You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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