I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize