When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
