Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
