I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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