I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
