in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize