moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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