If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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