Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
