Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize