SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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