proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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