I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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