That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
