i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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