i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
