We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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