He disabled his match.com account in front of me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
