Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
