she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I want a musical about memes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
