you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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