just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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