My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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