why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
