I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
