Cold hands, warm shart.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
