Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
