My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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