I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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