I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
