oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
