Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
