I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
