I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
