I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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