Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
