I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
