I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
