Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
