For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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