I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
