I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
