Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
