I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
