I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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