I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
