I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
