I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
