I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i think my cat just said my name.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
