I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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