Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
