Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
