just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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