I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
