so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
