let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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