yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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