I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
