She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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