Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is Oprah even human
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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