Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
